Thank you everyone for replying. This gives me plenty to think about. I just worry about everything and I needed to release some of the thoughts from my head and see what others thought. As far as why I am afraid of going down the rabbit hole again stems from my high school years. I got to the point where I acted like I was Marie Antoinette and cared nothing about no one to keep me safe. Its weird how when it happened I had no clue what was going on, but now 20 some years later it is as plain as day. Long story and eventually maybe I will share...just not sure if I should. That is certainly new for me, to not be so impulsive with complete strangers.