I am so sorry for the stress you are currently going through. In my opinion I would seek professional help for your daughter first of all. Then if you can afford to get some therapy for yourself too. Therapy can be expensive so I understand if you are not able to do a little therapy too. Clearly something is amiss with your daughter. The sooner you discover what, if any, chemical imbalance is going on, the sooner you can reduce your stress. And if it is discovered she has some kind of mental illness, then you can read and learn how to cope with that particular illness. I wish I had some suggestions for how to cope with the anxiety of seeing your daughter later on. The very thought puts my stomach in knots. Maybe you could have a friend come home with you for a short while...lessen the blows or help you after the blows?
Thinking of you.