questions is how we learn.

so ask away.

I am still learning about this.

More questions than answers and now the answers, although somewhat comforting, sound to me, a typical pwbpd! so pat and unconvincing and simplistic.

I wish there was a way for me to fantasize without feeling so degraded.

My mentor and I had a very disturbing conversation today at Self Help Mental Wellness.

He said that my fantasies border on self-injurious elements. In other words, they are degrading to me. An example, one of the fantasies is about Boukreev imposing a massage on me. Without me saying it's okay.

Ani thinks my fantasies turn me on because of an imbalance of power. And then the flip side of that is feeling in power when I am "helping" Boukreev.

Rachel, in Get Me Out of Here, worked in therapy, thru feelings of humiliation/pleasure and feeling powerless and shamed.

I am also dealing with this.

Ani said I need to seriously consider changing the scenarios. If not elimating them.

But as a pwbpd, I am *bored* by healthy scenarios. Self-degradation excites me.

I will see how I do tonight, after having shared this with you ppl.

Broken