I'm just gunna dive in...

I seem to have this belief that I'm crazy. Crazy in a bad way. Crazy like off the deep end. I think my intrusive thoughts are part of why I think this. They're so ****ed up. Even though I've learned to manage them. They still make me wary. I also easily become obsessed with women in the sense that I fantasize a lot, but that's about normal things (at least to me). Having a relationship. The things that go on. The feelings that might be exchanged, etc... etc..
I'm aware of the strangeness of it all, but...
There was one girl that has been stuck in my head for years. It's like she remained in my thoughts, and those thoughts would pop up daily. I'm afraid to talk about it with my therapist, and have only mentioned it in passing to one friend. This girl I would consider a friend, we still respond through e-mail and talk about our lives.

I fear people validating I'm crazy. I fear that I am crazy, but almost all of me knows better and thinks that's bs. If you met me you'd meet a great guy that gets a little anxious, but is through and through a good person who cares. is trustworthy. is magnanimous. is fun. can be light, and serious. can joke, and have fun.

my common sense says I'm definetly sane. But their are these lurking fears. i want to address them.

this kind of sums it up...

what’s stopping us?
fear. uncertainty. fear.
that we will be crazy
and they will validate it
and we will be forever ****ed up
and alone
with nothing to comfort us
til death.