OK, here's my question: If you're trying everything you can not to SI, but doing it would be the only thing keeping you from doing something worse, would you do it?

I don't know if I have the energy to fight it right now. I'm having a really bad day in the depression dept., I have varying amounts of 4 different psych meds laying around, and they're starting to tempt me. But if I gave in and cut, maybe I'd feel less overwhelmed.

Why does this crap always happen on weekends when my therapist isn't available?

That's another thing -- he's trying so hard to help me, and I would hate to let him down. But I don't know if that's enough to keep me from the blades today. I do know that I can't do it for myself right now, because frankly, I couldn't care less about what happens to me at the moment. So theoretically it should help to have somebody else to behave for. Why isn't it?

Sorry for being such a bummer.

Candy

There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed. -- Peter Sellers