Quote:
Originally Posted by Altinak
Hi. 
I have depression quite bad at the moment but also been told I have traits of BPD. Im just trying to gather some information.
It might turn into a bit of a ramble; just for the simple fact that as I write this I feel different inside than to what I feel I project on to paper (so to speak haha).
Anybody else experience that?
My main question actually was; I notice that for a lot of people when they are depressed or just generally frustrated they have a tedency to cry...
I dont. In fact I find it incredibely difficult to cry and always have. It used to set me off with SI due to the fact that I wanted to cry ----> Couldnt cry so it made me want to cry.. Constant cycle lol.
I never really understood why because I can always cry to my dad if he shouts at me but when others shout I tear up then switch off.
Go blank and feel nothing..
Last time I saught out counselling two years ago even the T commented on 'how I just shut down.'
So here is my two questions...
1) Would that be classed as a form of disassociation or 'disconnection'.
2) Does anybody else here find it incredibly difficult to cry?
Thanks  |
Altinak,
Wow. I have never met anyone like me. I don't ever cry. Not for emotional reasons anyway. I didn't even cry when my brother died. It is like a switch flips and I shut down completely. Empty, Nothing. I also SI when I feel pain, but I can not make myself cry.
I feel bad, like people are looking at me wondering now I can be so cold. I have to fake a painful sad-eyed face just so I don't appear to be a complete jerk. But inside, I feel no empathy. I feel nothing at all.
Thank you for posting this, Altinak. I really thought that I was the only BPD patient that behaved in this way. I also feel absolutely nothing if anyone leaves me. I used to severely as a child,but then one day it was as if I took a sharp jagged blade to the invisible cord that connects us with those that we love and cut it straight through. In an instant it was gone. No more feeling, no more pain. Just emptiness. Do you have that ,too?
Very Curious,
-Fleeing Bellocq