Quote:
Originally Posted by fleeingbellocq
Altinak,
Wow. I have never met anyone like me. I don't ever cry. Not for emotional reasons anyway. I didn't even cry when my brother died. It is like a switch flips and I shut down completely. Empty, Nothing. I also SI when I feel pain, but I can not make myself cry.
I feel bad, like people are looking at me wondering now I can be so cold. I have to fake a painful sad-eyed face just so I don't appear to be a complete jerk. But inside, I feel no empathy. I feel nothing at all.
Thank you for posting this, Altinak. I really thought that I was the only BPD patient that behaved in this way. I also feel absolutely nothing if anyone leaves me. I used to severely as a child,but then one day it was as if I took a sharp jagged blade to the invisible cord that connects us with those that we love and cut it straight through. In an instant it was gone. No more feeling, no more pain. Just emptiness. Do you have that ,too?
Very Curious,
-Fleeing Bellocq
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Oh yeah, I never cried at my grandads funeral, I cried a little later on but only because my brother kept shouting at me and I got frustrated.
Yeah; like if I hear a really sad story or whatever Im just kind of like.. Im sorry to hear that. I also just go blank. I feel nothing. There are times where I just whine like a 3 year old to try and get the crying started but it never works.
I used to say self harm was my crying.. Its bizarre.
Oh yeah thats what made me question BPD. Im terrified of being alone/abondened but instead of freaking out I just shut down altogether.. No crying nothing. My dad threatened to kick me out 'to jolt me into reality' and I just shut down completely.
Im so glad you replied its nice to see someone going through the same as me. I thought I was just weird x)
Hope to hear from you soon xx