I am sort of in the same boat as you, shinkikker. I also am always daydreaming about those things. I mostly just wish I wasn't born. I don't want the pain of dying, there is so much pain to be had in this world. Like you, I wish and dream of being truly free. I'm not sure that I can really help you, but if you want to talk about anything, like a specific thing that is bothering you, I would gladly listen.