Hey Scorpio


I feel the pain in your posting.

"This is a place I think I should be able to trust you, people who suffer like I do, to understand me and not judge me. "

This is definitely the place! I've never met so many supportive people who understand exactly how I feel and think.

"To be honest, I've had problems with websites like this in the past. Being told that my opinions, problems, and pain were idiotic and I had no right to them is something that sparks a special kind of anger in me."

This probably won't happen here, at least it hasn't in my experience. I came here in my most vulnerable and despairing moments and have been met with kindness and understanding. We try to validate eachother as best we can.

"Believe me when I say I want to be better than I am - what I have become...So, I'm humbling myself."

I always say that we can't truly start to change until we have that 'gift of desparation' and have hit a 'rock bottom' of sorts. Of course it feels like hell, but the people really working on themselves have to have had experienced this overwhelming pain. I don't know why, but I think it's because the only direction left is 'up'.

I can also identify with a lot of what you're saying. I am also Borderline, my temper/anger is one of the worst and most debilitating aspects in my version of this disorder.

Also, you've just described me here:
"Alright, to put it simply: I am just not in control of my emotions. At all. Ever. In the history of my life."
Also me!

" Can anyone help to teach me to get my emotions under control? Whatever you, my brothers and sisters, have to offer, I'm willing to listen. On this, or anything."

All I can offer is this. You mentioned you are taking a DBT class, this is great...I have to live it and be it and view every moment of uncontrollable emotions (which for me is most of the time) as an opportunity to put my DBT skills to work.

Here is what I do, a very do-it-yourself approach:
-This book has been a godsend: http://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Be...s=dbt+workbook I supplement learning from it by keeping a journal along with my successes and thoughts. I do exactly what it says I should be doing, whether I feel like it or not (which is mostly the latter).
-This site has been extremely helpful: www.dbtselfhelp.com
-There is a DBT skills chat on Saturdays at 1pm EST on this site (go up to the chat tab at the top to access it) You can ask questions and discuss DBT
-These forums have been a godsend: knowing I wasn't along in this has helped tremendously, as well as advice, validation, support and getting to know one another as best we can along the way.
-I practice mindfulness meditation DAILY (mostly drawing from Buddhist resources). Here are some audio guided meditations: www.audiodharma.org
-There is also a free DBT class via yahoo that gives weekly homework and discussion, find it here: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/dbtclass/

That's all I can offer. You sound very much like me. Welcome to our dysfunctional (but loving) family. It gets better, it really does. And remember, you're not alone.