I'm posting this here because this isn't related to my health, for once.

I used to go to this meditation group at my "safe place". That is, until I met Richard, who suddenly decides to take me out to lunch and announce that he is sexually attracted to me. (As many of you know, I am in a wheelchair and very socially isolated). The thought of this scared me and I wondered what I had done wrong. We barely knew each other and the guy's older than I am. As for sex, I find the whole idea repulsive to the max.

I have done everything I can to avoid this clown but from time to time he tracks me down and persists in "trying to be my friend" even though it's very clear I'm scared stiff off the guy.

He found me again today and he was real ticked off, tried to corner me again and he finally swore at me and stormed off.

I talked to the parish priest about it and I just hope it doesn't make matters worse. The guy could outrun me and turn me into a grease spot on the sidewalk without even breaking a sweat. No violence has been implied (yet), but I'm scared. The good Father is going to "put Richard in his place."

Yes, add another lifetime of therapy to what I already have, trying to explain why sex scares me. I'm really going to enjoy explaining that one to my psychiatrist.

Why do I have to be so bloody quiet? Why can't I scream or something. Anything! This whole enterprise seems like a lost cause.

I just want to tell someone on the outside "I've had it!" and be done with it all.

I think I feel a song coming on. The one I wrote. I want to bellow it at the top of my lungs. But it would scare anyone who heard it. (If it triggers people, it probably scares others.)

Blast it all. Let them be scared. I am and the only ones that seem to notice are the ones on here. At least someone notices I need help. No one on the outside does.