Oh yeah you definetly are not alone. I do the same thing. When I really want to cry I can't. It is like a switch is shut off and nothing..... It is soooo frusturating. I have found that I do cry when I really don't want to though like when I am being yelled at and I really want to keep my composure, then the tears flow quite freely. But when I am really hurting and need to cry there are no tears to be found or there are only minimal tears and then they are gone. I find that I end up getting very angry because I can't cry. I also SI because of it. I have also been told that I have BPD traits. So you are definetly not alone hun!!