I know I have talked about this before so hopefully people will bear with me for mentioning it again. I partly just need to express my pain and partly I wonder whether anyone has any more advice on how I can come to terms with this:

I have for quite a while really longed for a child and by that I mean also to experience the process, ie of being pregnant, of feeling another living being grow in my body etc.
Well, I haven't been able to achieve that for a variety of reasons, partly because I've hardly ever had a relationship because I tend to be avoidant when it comes to people and closeness despite longing for it at a certain level.
Then time went on and I began to move towards the end of my fertile years and also had gynae surgery. The bottom line is that I really have to accept by now that I won't be having any children naturally any longer.

I tried to tell myself this and talk myself into possibly adopting one in the future when I might finally be able to get into a relationship (my own salary isn't high enough), but I still react really badly to triggers like pregnancies around me and all the families and mothers with young children I come across. My emotional reactions to this are quite out of control and I could start crying on the spot and often do even at work.

With my therapist, we're looking into EMDR (also for another issue) and I wonder whether this might somehow make things a bit better for me to handle. I just need to integrate these emotions better, which I still can't do at the moment.

Has anyone got any suggestions how else I can get a grip on the pain (and it's actually a visceral pain that I can feel) and come out a bit better on the other side? When I am really down, I also feel I have nobody to live for whilst others have their partners and child(ren).