I tried EMDR today. I couldn't let myself release emotion. I was holding on so tightly to not let myself cry. A few tears slipped out but I felt so blocked. A tear would come and I would feel myself suck the emotion back.

Once a tear starting slipping my T would say "That's it.." or "Let it come.." and "It's okay to feel.."
But I just couldn't let it come out. I was so tense in my back and shoulders.

Then he did a light hypnosis and was able to speak to an ego state that is like a dark shadow. The ego state said it is blocking my emotion because it is angry at me, I don't deserve to feel, and I am a b***h!

So strange.

I feel so broken. I wish I could let myself feel but I just can't. I want to cry so badly about everything that has happened to me, but I don't know how to 'let it come'. EMDR is supposed to help with this and that doesn't even work for me.

Feels like a waste of a session.