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confusedmonkey · Oct 17, 2012, 07:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leed

Hi ~ First I think you need to know WHAT you're grieving for. Is it for the relationship? It really wasn't very good, was it? She was always on your about something. She was always criticizing you for something and calling you names.

Are you grieving forr tie IDEA of a relationship? Is it that you just want to be in ANY relationship because you're lonely? I can understand that -- it's awful to be lonely. If that's it, then lets OWN it and call it by name -- loneliness.

Or are you depressed because she's pregnant? I really don't think that's it because you felt awful before you even found out. That may have added to the depression -- but I don't think that's at the core.

I think your BASIC problem is loneliness plus with the baby coming, you're not sure you'll be in the baby's life -- well you have to make SURE you'll be in it's life -- and you can do that LEGALLY. So don't worry about that!!!

God bless monkey --- I know what loneliness/depression is my friend. Take care. Hugs, Lee

I would say youre pretty close but off at the same time. I am not depressed because she is pregnant, I was excited. But due to the circumstances it makes me incredibly sad at the same time. Here I cannot even talk to her and we are having a baby. She is painting me to be such a monster. What if I am that monster. Should I just leave them alone and not be in my childs life. I have always wanted a child and now I am having one. But I want to do whats best for it. Ive been trying to research whats best for it but found inconclusive information. I want to be able to be there so bad. And no the relationship wasnt great. But thats because I didnt know how to handle a lot of the things that went on. I think she has Borderline personality disorder. Just from what I have found out recently. She was pushing me away but not wanting me to go if that makes sense. I know she had a rough life and I feel if I woulda took the time sooner to look into it I could have learned how to best hadnle situations and fix the way thigns were. I feel like I let her down. She was the most amazing woman in the beginning. I dont know. I just feel terrible. And if I legally win any rights to see my child. What have I won? The right to have her be even morem iserable having to deal with me for the next 18 years? Why would I want to subject my child to a dual household... These are just a couple of the struggles going on in my mind 24/7