*** Trigger Warning ***

Things never said have a way of demanding a voice some day.

Summer 198-, a city street, night...

Hon,

I'd missed the last bus from work, I was tired and walking past you, and you asked me if I was lonely. You will never know how much that meant.
You see, I would have killed myself if I hadn't heard that from someone soon. So, all the professionals and well meaning people in the world have less power to affect another life than YOU DO.

Yeah YOU ... the girl on the corner who everyone passes by, except for a few people haggling over price, a few who shake their heads and laugh, and the police cruisers.

You sounded scared. You sounded lonely yourself. I wondered if anyone out there - customers, pimps, society at large, or the powers that be -
really honestly gave a damn about you beyond a few minutes of fun, a wallet of cash, some official paperwork and a judgmental put-down.
TO HELL WITH ALL THOSE WHO DON'T CARE! Soulless -------!!!!

I never did sleep with you. I wanted to feel warm skin next to mine, I needed to just hold someone so bad it hurt. I admit to having been jealous of the guys I passed earlier that night, talking to someone else on another corner, because they seemed flush with cash and weren't afraid to just do whatever they want, and all that was and still is unlike me. I am neither rich nor confident.

But here's the important thing ... I would never know if in the morning you'd understand I do care, or if you'd just feel like I used you. I didn't want to be another person who failed you. You made me feel like I'm not worthless. You didn't have to offer yourself to me. You could have approached someone richer and better looking. I feel I owe you something now, a debt of sorts, for making me feel like I'm someone, for pulling me up when I needed it. I fear no-one will understand that, maybe you won't either.

I just whispered "no ... but thanks ..." and looked at the sidewalk and walked past you and will forever hate the coward who never had the class to say YOU MATTER. So I failed you anyway, and myself.

I hate the man in my mirror now. He's a small thinking coward who is NOTHING like the MAN I want to be. The man I want to be wouldn't be afraid to act on his feelings, no matter what. THAT guy would have gladly emptied his wallet for the honor of giving you just one encouraging hug, telling you he's sorry for being so cheap, cos you're priceless, and walking away with a big stupid grin on his face. THAT guy would probably have yelled, right in the middle of the street, "HEY ALL OF YOU!! This woman, right here? SHE'S A SOMEBODY!!! SO ---- YOU!!!" But I never did. I owe you an apology. I cared but did nothing.

I hope you are okay. I really hope you met someone who cares about you and shows it every day. You matter.

Sincerely,

Onwards

Until I get the courage to really LIVE, I can't respect myself at all. Maybe one day I'll learn. This is a tiny start.

I hope someone who's been in her shoes or anyone who has ever felt used and broken reads this and understands you are worth so much more than you got.