The thing is Im 20 and I've been depressed for 7 years without any helps, Im in a poor and rotten country that they just wont care or think that people like me - who have mental problems - are disgusting.

No matter how many things I confide in him, my ex wont understand and my first time felt like I was raped. Im not sure if it's really rape but my body acts as if it was raped.

Here I am at this point where I completely gave up my life, I dont care any more. I've tried my best to control myself because if I dont for just 2 seconds I'll be insane.

My moods and my personalities swing. Sometimes Im extremely happy, sometimes I try to harm myself and want to die but I cant because my parents love me too much.

I dont know my gender anymore, sometimes Im a man, sometimes a women and sometimes a cute girl, or a young and childish boy.

Everything about me is a contrast. I love everyone but I want to brutally kill each of them, I dont want to eat meat because I love animal but I want to slaughter them and eat raw meat.

I guess I've been talking too much, you know Im complicated.

I feel very lonely because no one understands me and they hate me, I feel like Im the only one against the world. If Im not careful I'll be killed.

Im looking for a true friend, it'd be good if you're asian because you'll understand asian culture more but it doesnt really matter if you're not.

Please send me a message if you're interested.

Thank you for reading this.