A lot of BPD for me is all-or-none tendencies; wanting to be with someone, wanting to be alone it's my tendency to think in dichotomies.

People don't have "kinds". Individuals are themselves and we relate to them as ourselves; when we are in a relationship, the problems we have with others are our problems, not the other person's! The other person's problems with us are their problems, not ours. How you view and relate to another is a function of your own likes, dislikes, personality, background, etc. It is not up to another person to understand us, that's not their job; we have to understand and work with ourselves, not the other person and vice versa.

Yes, you want to be with someone who accepts you are you are but you are not static! You are growing (or withering) and changing, etc. all the time. But, if you think about it, wanting to be with someone who accepts you is not a individual concept; it is what everyone wants? Who wants to be with someone who doesn't accept them? You wouldn't hook up and be with that kind of person!

But if you do not care for and accept yourself and know what you are about and what work you are doing growing and changing, etc., how can you judge how another is accepting or not accepting you? Bad behavior is never acceptable. Wanting someone to "chase after" you when you're in a mood and being disappointed that they do not, that's bad behavior on your part and I don't want another person who puts up with that? Someone who does not think well enough of themselves that they will put up with your bad behavior and not call you on it; do you really want to be with that kind of person? Little kids tell their mother they "hate" her when she says/does something they don't like and the mother puts up with it, sees the situation as an adult but adults should not relate to one another that way?