I have been depressed all my life, and today I just had my first visit with a psychologist/counselor. He seems ok and easy to talk to/get along with, but I really just can't see myself improving any at all. I told him this and he said he didn't expect me to, because its his job to see something since he is the psychologist. I really don't think this counseling thing is going to work for me because the description reads "you are responsible for deciding what to talk about". That is one of my main issues, I am an indecisive, and very nervous person and I never know what to say. How the hell can I get help if I have to basically do everything? I don't get it. Does anyone see what I see?

I find nothing funny. Nothing. You will sometimes catch me smirking but I assure you it is simply out of me trying to be polite to someone talking to me. I couldn't tell the guy this. I don't think he realizes how messed up I am. But if he wants me to keep coming back every week then he will see. I can already foresee this not working. I don't know what to do.

But I will try. How sick is life that you have to pay someone to simply LISTEN to you? I hate it all. That is all.