Quote:
Originally Posted by Scorpio Eyes
The biggest fixation in my life has been for a year and a half. I loved her, damn it.
Just as I always do, I became absolutely furious with the state of my life and how overwhelmed I felt.
I know a lot of this is sarcastic, very angry and bitter, unneccisarily self-critical and pitying, but I'm tired.
Me and anger have a long and complicated history.
What I want to ask of you all is kind of diffiult for me. Believe me when I say I want to be better than I am - what I have become.
To be honest, I've had problems with websites like this in the past. Being told that my opinions, problems, and pain were idiotic and I had no right to them is something that sparks a special kind of anger in me. As I've mentioned, we have a sadomasochistic relationship, me and anger. I hope you all will be a bit more understanding.
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Hello. I'm Carol, and I was diagnosed in 2001 with bpd too.
I especially relate to the words that I quoted above. Dealing with anger, dealing with relationships (romantic and otherwise), dealing with support groups both online and face to face (took a while to find the ones that I could get on with the best) I have a lot of trouble now opening up anywhere except here because I too have gotten beaten up emotionally.
I also relate to feeling sarcastic and bitter.
I think your feelings considering what I just read on your post are very understandable and I resonate totally with them. People have not helped when they have told me how hurtful, negative and bitter I have become.
I have been forced to find a better way now.
I use a lot of online information, I have a mentor/best friend that I talk to, and I share about stuff where I can trust. Also I am trying to de-mystify and destigmatize bpd.
thanks for sharing and welcome.
I hope you find the support you deserve.
Carol