I am learning to be okay with myself and meeting my own neediness before committing to others.

I seem to do much better alone. Although I do get lonely, as anyone else might. it's human to want love.

I had problems with relationships (friendships and love) because growing up,

1) I never learned to ask for anything or to take care of myself emotionally.

2) I looked to others for approval and I learned self hate.

3) I learned to be round about in my needs, not directly asking or even asking the person involved.

As a result I was so needy and dysfunctional that no one wanted to be with me.

In DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) self help site, I got a lot of information about how to deal with that; change that.

I want someone to understand (in a relationship) that pwbpds' (persons with bpd) are NOT hopeless, NOT untreatable, NOT permanently damaged or needy. They can be changed. They can have relationships. They can love and be loved! And if they cannot, I don't wish to deal with them, either. Persons who have an archaic attitude that pwbpd's are hopeless or cannot love do not have any use for me in relationships.

I don't expect them anymore to baby me. That is why I want to wait until I feel stable before getting involved in a relationship ever again. I am either okay alone or I feel okay with a man and I am treated right and I treat them right.

In self-analysis, I learned I was severely traumatized and shut down; my emotional growth was essentially stopped, esp from age I don't expect a man to be my father or a surrogate caregiver. But I can learn to love myself.

I was diagnosed with bpd in 2001 when my symptoms escalated---abandonment issues, neediness (extreme), stormy emotions, self-injury, etc.

I was also thrown out of the mental health system due to discrimination from this diagnosis, which caused me to work even harder at my issues.

there is hope for anyone.

thanks,

Carol