I hate meds too. I was off and on them since high school. I spent over 10 years off but had different spells that led me down a path that maybe could have been avoided and maybe not. I will never know. Being back on them I feel like a constant ginea pig for the doctor. Try this one, oops try that one, oops higher no lower. I believe the natural things I do to try to eliminate my episodes are better for me than the pills but due to the fact I am getting older I am resigning to take pills to help out. My emotions are not as agile as they use to be, so I have given pills a chance. However, I do everything I can to try to control my anger, (talk therapy, this may be helping) eat less sugar and caffiene, make sleep a routien, get exercise, and talking to myself if I get into one of my moods more positively. It doesn't always work so I take the pills to hopefully help out. But it is still my problems not the pills. I also keep my disorder pretty private, I only tell those I believe are understanding about the difficulties attached to emotional illnesses.