Quote:
Originally Posted by CathySF
emotionally and somewhat physically neglected as a child. Abused.
Realized that as long as I can remember had a very hard time organizing, cleaning, making decisions, etc
In addition, very stunted socially all growing up, especially since I didn't have many social opportunities when I was younger. But my parents barely talked to me anyways.
So, tonight I am writing this, and I am acknowledging my mess, disorder, etc
But for the first time I am really accepting it, not getting angry at myself, and trying to take babysteps.
In addition, from when I started college, I always had a hard time making decisions. and things got worse, which instrument to play, which language to study, which friends to hang out with
Would love to hear from others who might deal with all of this or some
Thx!!
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I hate cleaning. My aunt *bullied* me to clean my room. I think that's why I don't do it. Also, "why bother?" says my head. "Why clean? You're a mess anyway...and you're gonna mess it up again anyway..." sick.
My mess usually reflects how I am doing inside. I noticed this week my room was messy again as I started processing more issues around the traumas.
I am getting better at forgiving myself.
thanks.
I read a book long ago about a survivor who hated cleaning because it somehow made her feel like she "had to do something for someone". So she rebelled. Also she had a terrible fear of even moving (paralysis).
Just my own thoughts.
Carol