After not cutting for 3 months, I finally did cut a couple weeks ago. I haven't been online in a few weeks. My friend OD'd and since I use her computer to get online, I haven't been on. My friend is ok now, but she was having a lot of trouble.

It was just one of many days where I was so sick of fighting the urge to cut. I went to my PHP one day and just promised myself I would cut. I've done that kind of planning before and not cut, but this day I didn't care. I just went home and cut. It was so pleasurable. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me...I just want to let everyone know what's going on with me. I have to start over again, like I have millions of other times in my life. No big deal there.

I got a new job cleaning a university grounds. Since I was hired I haven't had the urge to cut. Maybe this is the key to my recovery. I'm in a much better mood now. As long as I keep busy I'm ok.