I have a 10 year old daughter and I can really relate. At this age I think a lot of it can be testing boundaries. They're not really a little kid anymore, but they aren't a teen either. Trying to assert their independence, but not really knowing how to do that in a good way.

I agree with trying to let him help come up with chores that he can do. If you can, offer rewards, but not big things because you don't want him to come to expect grand gifts for doing what he is expected to do as a member of the family.

Natural consequences are good too. If he doesn't help wash clothes, he wears dirty clothes. If he doesn't help load the dishwasher, he has to hand wash his dishes before he eats.

Now here's my disclaimer, a lot of the consequences ideas I have gotten from my t, and it is HARD to get it going and keep it going. I am working on that process now too.

Kids can be a real challenge, a lot of the time!