I have trouble being assertive about my feelings and setting boundaries. I just let people take advantage and try to please them. Resentment builds. After reaching the point where I have had enough, I try to express my thoughts calmly and they don't listen, interrupt me or make excuses for why the treat me a certain way.

Then I explode. Anger and rage comes out. I yell and say all kinds of things, some of which I meant to say (calmly, but didn't) and other things that are not what I intended (mean stuff).

When it is all over, I am at fault for losing control. I hate becoming the focus of the problem when they were at fault in the first place for not treating me respectfully. The message that I wanted to express gets lost and can't be heard. So nothing changes in the relationship in regards to what I wanted in the first place.

Are there any suggestions for how to have difficult conversations and stay calm even when I don't get the reaction I want?