dont know if anyone is still following this but i wanted to check in and see what everyone thought and thank you for your words of wisdom. i think i figured out why she is visiting me and who she is and what she wants and now maybe i can finally put something to rest and move on...talking to your therapist is a good thing. love it when they ask just the right questions and with only an hour to accomplish anything...well, you have to be right on target! now to brood over our conversation, think about how to deal with my visitor and go to work tomorrow, full of useful ammunition.