Since your t isn't helping you even though he thinks he is, perhaps you could actually *tell* him what it is you need? And if he can't fulfil that, maybe start looking for another therapist?

Perhaps tell your boyfriend that you don't want to talk about stuff and that he should leave you alone?

if you're a member of a gym, perhaps you could use a punchbag there to vent some of your anger in a way which doesn't hurt anybody?

I want my life to end, but I DONT want to kill myself.
That makes perfect sense. You don't want to die, you just want things to change... so what is there that you can do which would help things be as you want them to be?