I don't have any advice yet, but I can tell you I have gone through the same thing. Seeing it in words there, that helps me identify what I went through one day last week. It was so awesome to have that one day...and I understand the sabotaging thing too, it's not that it's done on purpose, it just happens. (I think, at least) I wish I had some insight...I will be lurking to see what others post...