Quote:
Originally Posted by stressedtoinfinity
I didn't know where else to ask this question so I figured "other" would be OK. There have been a few questions that bothered me lately. After I joined this website yesterday I realized how much I complain. I complain on here and to my sister alot. Which begged the question: do I deserve to?
Sure, I get so frusturated, stressed, and pressured that I cry without meaning to, and get painful stomach aches but isnt EVERYONE stressed? Why do I complain or react to the pressure? Am I just weak? I don't want to complain because it makes me feel whiney and self-centered
|
Hi, stressed. I used to do this too, so I can totally identify. It's something I've thought a lot about, and - for myself - I've concluded that it was a form of "acting out" rather than appropriately handling my emotions.
For years I was that irritating person who'd call a friend about any tiny annoyance in life and talk her ear off for an hour, whining and complaining and ranting. It's a little embarrassing to think about it. I'm sure my friends hated me. I'm surprised they answered their phones since they had caller id.
When I decided to cut it out, it was very difficult. Since I didn't have sufficient skills to deal with the stress, I'd feel very uncomfortable and not know what to do with myself. It's like trying to quit any kind of acting out - drinking, overeating, screaming at people, gambling. When you stop doing it and you don't yet know what to do instead, it's extremely uncomfortable. Painful even.
I don't think you're weak or whiny or self-centered, but I do think you should find a different way of dealing with the stress. First, eventually your friends will start avoiding you.
Second, complaining is really the oral equivalent of ruminating IMO. I'm a ruminator by nature although it's a habit I've managed to get under control. Ruminating is a total deadend. It keeps you thinking the negative thoughts that keep fueling the negative emotions. It's like pouring gas on the fire you're trying to put out. It reinforces the very neural connections in your brain that you need to weaken.
I agree that repressing emotions is a terrible plan also. But there's something between repressing and acting out. We do have to talk about problems sometimes in order to solve them. But much complaining isn't about solving the problem. If you're just telling people the awful things in life, and they're just agreeing that yes, yes, it's awful, and no one is offering suggestions for either changing the situation or changing how you react to the situation, then I'd say you're only reinforcing bad emotion-regulation habits. Thich Nhat Hanh would say you're "practicing" the negative emotions and making them grow stronger.