Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog
I have a different perspective than some on this. I teach professionally and I practice law. I do not care about my students or clients like I do friends or family. It is very different. Their lives are not my problem, my interest or my area to be concerned with - I think it would be over-reaching, arrogant and presumptious of me to get involved in their lives or even believe I was involved. I care they learn the material or that I do a good job as their attorney, but their bad choices or good choices are not mine to be concerned about. I generally do not want harm to befall them and generally am happy for them if I hear something good occured. But I don't care about them as litle individual snowflakes out there. I don't want to be invited to their weddings, see pictures of the children or hear about their vacations. I rarely remember their names or recognize them in grocery stores. It does not bother me that I do not. We do not have the sort of relationship that would cause that to be necessary or useful. PRofessional is not bad in my opinion, but the caring of a professional is, I think, very different from caring of someone in a non-professional capacity.
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but you do care!
I have a kind of similar perspective. I am a fundraiser. I go to my donors' childrens' events, spouses' funerals, housewarming parties. I'm cordial and respectful with all of them
friendly with almost all of them, and become "real" friends with the ones that I click with. However, it's my job to ask them for money from time to time. Sometimes this is terribly awkward...often it is a real privilege to be part of serious decisions they make. I care deeply about some of them; I detest others. It's a real mix. There aren't the same "rules" as with therapists...no 50 minute hour, no talk of "ruptures." But like so many professionals, I have to navigate these weird waters. It's a blurry thing and as much as I might wish for perfect boundaries and rules, I find life is much more mixed up, blurry, confusing and uncertain than that. I could not be a good fundraiser if I did not care. But it is a way for me to make my living as well, and I do need to protect my time and emotional resiliency so there are times when I do need my distance. It's a negotiation on a day to day basis. And it remains a challenge, but well worth the effort.
thanks for listening.