Well, first of all, you are never going to "please" everyone. It sounds like you are trying to do that and a lot of people genuinely "struggle" with that and it doesn't mean you are a bad person if you stand your ground and "limit" your desire to make "everyone happy" around you. That comes from your childhood really because children want to please and be liked and if they are the youngest or low on the ladder somehow they often get the blame for everyone else's issues.

You have to pay attention to how you may set yourself up for that kind of treatment. We all tend to do that in ways we just don't realize. And you could just be dealing with people that will simply "blame" the first person they can for their own shortcommings.

I deal with this a lot as my husband has a tendency to "blame" me if something of his is misplaced. He will consistantly send out messages that it must be "me" who moved whatever it is and not him just misplacing it. And in the end he finally finds it and it is still my fault because I "let it bother" me that he behaved so badly. Ugh.

The "good news" is that you are recognizing this pattern and that you seem to end up in a very "angry" state that you struggle to control. So you have to learn to back track and see how you engage in the very beginning of this negetive experience, which you are trying to point out here.

You have to begin by how you first try to "please" others. Pay attention to how you can unknowingly send messages that tell them you are "vulnerable" and that they "can" dump on you if they need to dump on someone. Unfortunately it is often the "nicest" people that get dumped on. So I am not saying "not" to be nice but to make sure you first think about "yourself" and understand that you can never "control" the overall "happiness of others" and make sure you do your best to realize that you are simply not going to gain respect from certain people no matter what you do. Understand "their issues" not yours up front and make your mind up that when you are invited into their game, just stop playing and walk away.

You are just a human being and some of this "mind game stuff" is just a part of how humans interact overall. And if you don't believe me just start paying attention to this election we have going on, it is truely "full" of the blame game crap.

The one person in all of this that has to make a change is "you" and that is helping yourself know when to stop it from starting to begin with. This can be more of a challenge when you are around other people that have a lot of practice pushing your buttons. I am challenged this way too, and it "is" hard work to learn to "stop" your own part in some bad habits that have gone on for a long time with others that know you.

((Leed)),

Oh I can soo relate, your daughter really knows how to push your buttons, after all you raised her. And a very smart person told me a long time ago, our children use us to test what works and what doesn't, so we truely are put to the test. And our tone of voice is not all we need to change either. Yes, you have to pay attention, see the challenges before they happen and stop it before it comes on. Not an easy task either. And the other challege with our own children is the do tend to use what we taught them so we can be fighting a "mirror" of ourselves. Ugh.

Open Eyes