Hi Jeneveve, I can relate It is really hard for me to assert myself. It has been difficult to change the pattern, but the happy news is that it can be done. It just takes practice. Lots (and lots) of practice

At first, asserting myself (so as to create boundaries) was super uncomfortable. Miserable really. Speaking up over the smallest thing seemed like a huge task: it felt very unnatural, and I felt very awkward after (and like I was a bad person) Over time, though, it has become easier. I still experience challenges, it is so much better!

When I first started new communication, I would speak with a mix of anger/frustration but in a request format. Sort of passive-aggressive (even worse, if it was in person, the request would accompanied by the “look”. Meh.) People were not really taking kindly to it, but I was trying really hard. And I apologized later if I seemed "too" much. I caught myself and kept working on it.

The people around me (especially the people who are natural “takers” and who don’t think twice, were completely confused and a little angry that I was not being their doormat any longer, too. Which was a big challenge).

But with the help of T, I also realized, that that attitude was about them, and we would either get over the hump. Or not. Their choice. I already had a plan

I am still working on it, too! I haven’t quite gotten it down, but now, I don’t wait until the situation is unbearable (grin and bear it until I freak out) or I am deeply offended (and react) or so angry I am in tears.

(I am lucky too because I get to practice with my co-workers, some of which are total steamrollers, and the complete antithesis to my people-pleasing personality.

One guy, who is a totally amazing artist and a moody, a-hole with a heart of gold, I sort of thought of him like a brother (I have known him for ages but not well). I asked him (about something), "what do I do?" and he said "just say no" (with a look on his face like he couldn't believe I just said THAT). And I quickly responded (with a squinty face like I just smelled something bad) "really? that sounds so...harsh." I swear to you, at first, he looked at me like I had two heads ) After a while I stopped asking him for guidance and even started asserting myself with him, too. We went for a couple of days without speaking and now things have smoothed over.

The bottom line is that it takes practice and belief in yourself (that you feel deep in your core that you are OK. Just as OK as anyone else) and then start giving it a go!

You can do it