Ok.. so, somebody please remind of this post the next time I am complaing of T not getting bacck to me by phone or e-mail. Sure, he has weakness, we all do.. but his strength def. out weigh them!!

We T asked me for the first time about being abused, I told him yes and that I was raped. That was it, but some house since august, I have been able to open up with him about the rape and so much more. So, today.. we were talkin about a number of different things, some of it including sex, intimacy, etc.. It felt ok. The fact that he is a man did not bother me at al.. Huge step for me.

Then, we started talking about my inner voice that I had mentioned in a previous post and how broken I feel. He help me to see it from a different perspective. My inner voice isn't broken now, just needs some tweeking, it is a littleon overdrive. He talked about how some of it is taught to us when we were young. I didn't get taught, what was wrong or right behaviors, or good touch vs bad touch.. So, I didn't necessarily have the inner compass that others did to steer me away from the people who raped me. That was "Light bulb" moment number 1 for me.

Then, we were talking abot my fears with partenting..I was talking about how I don't want my brokeness, my messed up crap, to mess my kids up. He reminded me that I had already given my kids more than my parents ever gave me. That was a huge "light bulb: moment for me. Huge.. Right now, in the here and now, I am doing everthing I can to be a good mom.

I am amazed at the openess I have with him and just how natural today felt. I am so glad he is my T!!!