I actually always feel that way. It's like when I feel good for once (which is so rare these days) I feel I can't allow myself to experience it. There's always a part of me that's self aware and knows that I'm just thinking too much and if I let myself go with the good healthy feelings I'll be alright but I can't. It's like too much of my central identity is staked on feeling bad that I can't even begin to question that. I feel like I know I'm a bad person, right, right, that I can't fathom I'm allowed to feel good, right, so if I do I better make damn sure to change that, right? But what if I'm wrong... then I don't even know who I am...

I doubt this helps much but I have trouble allowing myself to be myself and enjoy it... so you are not alone. I wish we could all just let ourselves; we would be much happier and believe me we deserve it- but if it were that easy we wouldn't be on this forum in the first place would we?

So... I've had a bad day and enough for my rant. The best thing you can do is let yourself feel good and if you can't do that then accept that fact. My heart goes out to you and I hope you feel validated and understood. (And good!)