Much of the way you feel I feel against my mom. I purposely moved 2,600 miles from home without telling her or most of my family. They, are also the cause of most of my problems as an adult. I know I will come to regret my decision, but for once, I had to think of myself. Your confusion will abate with time. My dad died three years ago. I hadn't been close to him for years due to my mom. She would always say such horrible things about him and make me want to stay away. I didn't realize until after his passing that it was her the whole time, and now it's too late to get back the time I lost with my dad. Take care. I'll be thinking ouf you. Feel free to PM me if you'd like.