I had thoughts about death all the time. And voices constantly telling me I didn't want to be here, which would start as soon as I opened my eyes, and didn't stop till I went to sleep. But no I did not want to commit sui at the time.

When my doc or T would ask me about this I was honest but made it clear that it was neither an option nor a plan for me. They will not lock you away for that.

I hope your situation gets resolved quickly, and that things will start to fall into place. I hear you on the creative bit.