yeah, auto, somehow you missed the part where you messed up your life cuz you got involved with someone like mom, who you think you're in love with, but who really you're just addicted to the few times he/she doesn't put you down - you feel like you've succeeded in curing mama! you haven't, though. mom has access to T's just like you do - she chooses not to take it. They threw us away, for whatever reason - well, that's my story, maybe not yours. Maybe it was too hard for them. We don't have to live down to their limitations. It IS guilt-inducing, but try looking at the situation as an outsider - it is not how you, looking in, would advise you; ie, to hold yourself back. P.s. my mother's answer would be, you caught a cold by eating at a restaurant, didn't you?! That's why I don't talk to her. Everything I do, or have ever done, is wrong. She was completely hands-off, so it wasn't "her fault". Eff that.