Quote:
Originally Posted by autotelica
Today I talked to my mother on the phone. I didn't go to work today because I am sick with a bad cold.
The first thing my mother said to me:
"What did you do to catch a cold?"
But now I'm thinking that if I didn't have a therapist, maybe my mother's minor thoughtlessness wouldn't have even registered on my radar?
............... But her failures at making everything better didn't matter because she was all I had. I made do with what she able to provide and took care of the slack.
I feel guilty for keeping myself away from my mother when I'm so open and relaxed with my therapist--so that the latter knows me a trillion times better than the former does. And I feel guilty for wishing my mother would measure up to the standards set by someone she doesn't even know, when I know she's only trying her best.
Has anyone else ever experienced having a sense of betrayal by connecting with their therapist so well?
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Ha! I thought all mothers blamed their kids for "catching" a cold. "Did you go out without a coat? Without a hat?" I got that too. I definitely did something wrong. There were plenty of other things I did wrong too. I just presumed this was her way of being a good mom. She was trying to make me "better". After the blame game then it would be "have some soup", "take an aspirin", "have you seen the dr.?" All said with good intentions (my mom passed some yrs ago). I think it is GREAT you found a good T who can help you. Your mom is your mom, I cannot compare the two. I don't see the point in pulling away from your mom. Maybe your T can help you to deal with her more appropriately. I used to try and let my mom have her say then do what I thought was best anyway. NOT that I never spoke up for myself because I did. We had words all the time. My feelings are to see your T for the best advice and let your mom "think" she is there for you. Maybe try to redirect the conversation away from blaming you for things. There must be other topics where you have something in common (like a TV show, news item, what has SHE been up to?, etc.). Find something else to talk about other than your own life.
You ask about feeling betrayed. I felt betrayed way before seeing my T. That was partly the reason I sought therapy, to find someone on my side. I wonder if you did too? All the best and thanks for the interesting post.
