Thank-you for your replies, it seems you have all had such different experiences - hmm this mental health thing certainly isn't an exact science is it

It would be so great to take a pill to get rid of this stuff in my head as I said I have come along way in not being so freaked by it, but it is not the cheery stuff I would like to wake up in the morning to. I am just so terrified of medication...says Soup who has happily taken my mum's prescription pain killers in the past. I think it is taking it everyday that makes me most anxious, something to take now and again just to have a bit of a break from it all, would be my preference, but I am guessing that doesn't exist (beyond my mum's prescription meds, which incidently she does not have anymore, they were to get her over the aftermath of surgery - I didn't steal them from her, she gave them to me for my migraine's as she didn't need them).

Maybe I do need to just accept this is "me", some people may struggle through life with deafness, 1 leg, scars from burns, maybe this is just my thing to carry - maybe life just isn't perfect for most of us and my expectations of a perfect life are too high.

Thanks again - I realise there are not any guarantees from taking meds, they may or may not work.

Massive dragon hugs to all of you - Soup