I don't know what the hell I'm doing...or am going to do, for that matter. I don't really want a life long career in the area of study that I'm in (criminology and criminal justice) & I'd like to go to grad school a few yrs after I graduate. But everything that I want to do is impossible. I've looked at Policy and Administration, well, most of those courses require you to take economics at the undergrad level. And since I'm already taking advanced statistics @ the 3rd yr level, taking economics would probably just kill my average & make me not be able to get into grad school @ all. I'm not smart enough for law school (& I'm not going to put that kind of pressure on myself). All the Politics grad. programs that I've looked at require you to have a B.A or a bunch of undergrad. courses in politics, I have neither. I seem to like quite a few of the things you can do with social work, but there is a stigma against it, and I'm not sure it would be worth doing. I'm kind of interested in mediation and ADR, but it looks like people mostly like lawyers for those kinds of jobs (despite the fact that in Canada you don't HAVE to be a lawyer to do them). I'm interested in the international context of things and I'm interested in inequality and minority populations etc. I have an interest in health care but am not good in science. So, that leaves me w/the option of Public Health...which I might be able to get into...but it's mostly for health science people, or social science people (psych, anthro, soci) and I'm not sure they'd even consider someone with a background in criminology & criminal justice. And I'm probably too dumb to do it.

Why do they even create graduate programs that they aren't even going to let a wide variety of people into? I would think that an undergrad degree in Crim would be a pretty solid background for Poli Sci studies, but no! So much for the myth that undergrad degrees are flexible!

On top of that, I don't think that I'm ever going to be happy with my life. I just don't think it's possible. Have you ever looked around and seen how ****** this world is? All of the huge things that are wrong with it, that I can't help fix because I don't know how to, or I'm not good enough to? And I don't even know who to talk to about it. I don't really think this kind of **** is what academic advisors are about. But I have no direction...I don't know what to do. I've thought about e-mailing some prof's, but they're busy people & I would feel bad about asking them for advice. Plus, whoever I talked to would pretty much have to listen to everything I've said here in order to help me. And that would be getting too personal w/a prof, wouldn't it? And they would probably be like 'wow, you're a basket case/idiot' or 'go talk to an academic advisor.' And nobody in this world cares anyway! Grad schools don't care what kind of person you are, if you don't have that average, you're not getting in. And prof's don't really give a **** about what you do w/your life. It's not up to them to be your friggin therapist. And I doubt a therapist would even be able to help me with this either!

Sometimes I wish that I just wasn't bothered by anything in the word...because isn't that how people are happy? By just not caring about the fact that the world is ****? But just not making it their issue? But of course I've decided to make it mine. Which means that I get to feel like double **** because I'm not good enough & the world is such a crappy place for so many people. And of course I'm a woman. There's strike 3 for you!

Why am I always not good enough? It pisses me off! Why do I have to have some insanely, super-humanly high average to be worthwhile? I look at my prof's & it bugs me because they look so normal...but no...they're insanely smart super humans. I feel like I should be trying to get ADHD drugs to help me study/focus because I don't feel like I'm good enough on my own.

So when does any of it end? Sadly, when you're dead. Pretty friggin grim, huh?

Thanks for reading....I hope I didn't just totally depress someone else.