Yes the additional child idea is dead in my mind, which breaks my heart.

He says he wants to work on the marriage and make it work, but I have such mixed feelings right now. I want him to be happy as much as I want to be happy and I feel that being "stuck" with me wouldn't make him happy. There's always going to be that curiosity that he has about other people, and the thought in the back of my mind that he might someday explore his "options." He said that he wants the relationship with me but he wants more. He wants his cake and eat it too. He even used those words.

I have two sons and I don't want to hurt them. Their lives would change so much. My oldest would probably have to leave school and go to a new one because I can't afford the tuition for him. (Oldest son pays tuition, but youngest does not because he is blood relative of my husband who is a friend of the owner of the school.) So the brothers would be separated in that way. Obviously my oldest son would live with me, but more likely, his dad would fight for custody and would likely win. My husband would go for custody of my youngest son and possibly win. I would barely be able to afford an apartment of my own and would certainly nor be able to afford the house we are in now. I probably can't get an apartment anyway because I am on disability and don't have a job.

I am trapped.