What's better? Living with all this doubt and with a partner who doesn't really want me, or losing my kids and living alone?

I feel sick. Husband is working tonight so I can't go anywhere.

Why didn't he tell me this years ago before we got into having kids and having a house? This whole marriage has been a mistake. My first marriage was better than this and I was able to end it when I felt I wasn't getting what I needed.

I am in a blind panic. I can't do anything about this right now, but the only thing that will calm me down is finding a solution. How I wish I could take benzos. I would pop a few right now. I am taking an extra trazodone tonight so that I stay asleep all night.