So I recently graduated and started a new job and don't have money like I did before, so last month my mom and I came to an agreement that she would pay my T bill. This is the second month of hte agreement, and on Tuesday I went to T and she said that my mom's check was only for 200 instead of 450. I thought it was a mistake so after I left session I called my mom and she said it was on purpose and she would pay the 250 the following week. I freaked out and called my T who said it was OK and she was willing to work with me and my mom in terms of timing payment to her with when insurance money comes in, etc.
But I feel so bad about it. I feel like T will not want to see me anymore because the money might come later or not in one lump sum, and it was so unpleasant for money to be bought up in our session because it just reiterates the fact that I am paying her, yet I feel so strongly towards her. And also, at first I thought that maybe T had misread my mom's hand writing and so I asked to see the check and she pulled out a stack of like ten checks and found mine in it so I could see the check. But the fact that she had her stack of checks just reminds me that she has other clients who can afford to pay her in one lump sum and it makes me feel easily replaceable, and also it just makes me feel like another check. I am so anxious because I don't want to lose her, but I am scared I will because of hte change in payment. And also because I have started this new job my schedule has been kind of off, I had to reschedule twice already and I am scared that she will not want to work with me on that, even though she has assured me she is willing to be flexible and committed to working with me. I've already sent her like three emails, one of which I was drunk and couldn't type, about the situation. She only responds when I ask her specifically to respond, and when she did respond she told me not to feel bad, but I do. It just reiterates the fact that I can only see her if I pay. And makes me feel bad.