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Originally Posted by mcl6136
okay this is just me but I really for....myself ...I found it grating when my old T talked incessantly about being "professional" and saying, "I see things as a professional that you miss," or "as a clinician..."
I found it grating at times (not always) and distancing and a bit ...haughty, actually.
I got over it in time, but I did find it placed an unnecessary wall between us.
I do think, however, that you can be both professional and VERY caring!
Rainbow, hang in there. Your honesty on this board continues to astound and inspire me. You are taking more than baby steps here, in my opinion.
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Thank you , mcl. I wouldn't like it either if my T used the word very often. She doesn't. Again, I probably didn't explain myself too well. I know you can be both professional and caring. It's my T using the word with me that was triggering, as you experienced too.
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Originally Posted by stopdog
I have a different perspective than some on this. I teach professionally and I practice law. I do not care about my students or clients like I do friends or family. It is very different. Their lives are not my problem, my interest or my area to be concerned with - I think it would be over-reaching, arrogant and presumptious of me to get involved in their lives or even believe I was involved. I care they learn the material or that I do a good job as their attorney, but their bad choices or good choices are not mine to be concerned about. I generally do not want harm to befall them and generally am happy for them if I hear something good occured. But I don't care about them as litle individual snowflakes out there. I don't want to be invited to their weddings, see pictures of the children or hear about their vacations. I rarely remember their names or recognize them in grocery stores. It does not bother me that I do not. We do not have the sort of relationship that would cause that to be necessary or useful. PRofessional is not bad in my opinion, but the caring of a professional is, I think, very different from caring of someone in a non-professional capacity.
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I didn't have personal relationships with any of my college professors either. I think workers in the helping professions or teachers of younger kids develop a closer relationship than in higher education, but there are always exceptions. It also depends on the personalities of the individual.
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Originally Posted by Little Me
Your comment makes me feel so good. I think, I know my that as a client I am cared for by not 1 but 2 caring professionals. So thankful and grateful for them.
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That's nice to hear, Little Me.
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Originally Posted by SallyBrown
No no, I don't doubt that you get this intellectually. If our hearts all followed our brains we'd all be in better shape then we're in, I think.
I'm just thinking that while many of us, including you, can point to examples of professionals who are also caring, the fact that she IS a professional might not be the real trigger, but rather that there are limits to your relationship that are not as bothersome to you with other "professionals" in your life. And that's what the word is setting off. Just trying to put my finger on what's hurting, that's all.
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I'm still not sure exactly what's hurting. I'm trying to think what exactly to tell my T on Tuesday. I want to make it right between us again. I'm now afraid of feeling that way again after my session. I don't want to but I'm not sure how to prevent it in a healthy way. If my T holds my hand for a minute, that would help. But everyone including my T will probably not think that's a good idea.
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Originally Posted by taylor43
I really hope your thad a very bad day on Tuesday.Hun im sure next week will be better. I know your t cares for you, unfortantly your session this week seemed she did not care. I encourage you to share your posts with her so she can see the pain you feel right now! ((((((Hugs))))))
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Thank you, taylor.
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Originally Posted by adel34
Hi Rainbow,
I know, this word would triger me too. Because I share so much with a therapist I feel very close to them, and sometimes forget it's a professional relationship. I felt this way about teachers too. One of my college professors became a friend of mine. I feel I learn better when I have an emotional connection to the professor and feel good being around them. I apreciated it when they took the time to really get to know me, ask how I was, ETC.
Anyway, I know tuesday's session was really hard. And probably more so due to you being away for so long. I really hope that next week goes better. Also, what's your DBT leader's take on all these issues? Just curious what she would have to say as another therapist looking in on the situation.
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Thanks, Adel. I have always felt an emotional connection to my T, and felt that it WAS a real relationshp (in fact, she's the one who told me it was!) but something snapped on Tuesday. I hope all my crying has helped me to accept the reality. The DBT T said that she would have helped me with skills at the time and was sorry she couldn't call me back right away. She told me to radically accept my feelings about my T. My T said she STILL hasn't talked with DBT T. I don't know if she's tried hard enough because it's been about a month since I signed the releases. That bothers me. How long can you play phone tag? DBT T seems willing to have me talk about my therapy though I'm embarrassed. I wrote about it for my homework for next week, since we're doing distress tolerance now.
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Originally Posted by sconnie892
Rainbow,
While I am okay with professional and caring in the same sentence, I can find the word professional difficult sometimes. I think "professional" (or titles like Dr.) can carry a lot of weight. I used to get annoyed with an office where all the staff had to refer to him as "Doctor" - never Dr. _____. Only doctor. I wanted to scream "HE HAS A NAME!" While I agree that the titles have been earned through schooling and hard work, it does sometimes feel like it implies this person is worth more than people who do not hold the title. I don't go around asking people to address me by my title at work.
Two sessions ago, my t said "In my professional opinion" during a discussion about meds. It really bothered me because it made me feel like I didn't know anything and that my opinion, while it was being heard, was less valuable than hers. We continued the discussion the next week and it became clear my opinion counted equally. That's how I know my t cares.
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Thanks, Sconnie. I don't like that phrase "in my professional opinion" either. What other opinion would they be givijng us?
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Originally Posted by CantExplain
I don't like the word "professional". It feels like "psychopath" without the charm.
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Interesting comment.
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Originally Posted by Little Me
So well said about the 'caring for yourself' concept. I think it is good practice to show clients that there has to be boundaries. I often worry about my therapists because they have so much coming at them. There would have to be boundaries, gray and blurry in order for the work to continue. No one is meant to carry so much pain around. I really want the caring professional to have a fun carefree weekend and not be worried about me or others. I honestly want them to think about me but not to have it affect them in a way that is a burden. That would feel awful.
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Thanks, Little Me.