I know what you are going through I feel that way to I have been abused alot growing up and I thought like I had a sign on my forehead saying yes guys its okay to abuse me. I am having a hard time getting through every hour of the day but I manage some how don't ask me how I just got to remember I have people who cares yeah its people I pay i.e my therapist and my med doctor but hey its a start so if your not seeing a therapist I suggest one if not for real talk than to make you feel like someone cares and I don't know you personally but I want to be there for you I care you can talk to me and we can help each other get through each day and find some thing to hope for in life becuase I need that to.