Quote:
Originally Posted by Anika.
Awww Blue, me too. I wish we lived in a world where we could just be how we are. I do hate this hyper vigilance I have had to adopt. I don't love having to keep myself in some sort of straight line all the time. It's not who I am, it's who I must be.
Yup with being a single mom, which you more than fully know  , there is no time to drop the ball. But it makes me sad too, I have been thinking about this and I don't know if I am just exhausted from always trying to keep things in line, or just frustrated that I cannot just be. Oh my gosh, maybe this is anger. I been feeling not to happy with society lately, nothing new there really. 
I hope we can do that one day Blue, I think we will. When our children are grown, we should have some time to fully be ourselves. 
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I hate to break the news to you, but that hasn't happened for me yet and all of my kids are long out of school and on their own. I think it is because I still have to function in a professional level job and I have to repress a lot of the normal (for me) emotions that like to bubble to the surface at the most INopportune times.
Besides, even grown kids have ideals of their parents, and mine have had to adjust to my diagnosis, even though they grew up with me and knew what I was like (and Lord knows I was certainly bipolar when I was raising them!). Thankfully, three of them have spouses who accept me, warts and all, and my grandchildren love me unconditionally, so I am blessed.....but I don't know if being "fully myself" will ever happen, or even if it should. I AM bipolar, after all, and society doesn't really need to be in the front-row seat when I have my meltdowns.
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