sadandalone22, take a step back from this and observe the different segments of your emotions. try to file them into importance, look at your stresses, look at what is causing them, what needs to be done to resolve them, and take control.

Without regular healing, depression snowballs, and it is now when these feelings arise.

you dont hate yourself, if you did you wouldnt be here right now, you are prepared to change the way you feel, so how can you say you hate yourself. let yourself cry, let it all out. crying is like a pressure gauge, and you need to release it, things seem ever so slightly better afterwards. trust me.

people do care about you, we care here, and im sure your family care, they just dont know how to show it in the way you need it.

you say you want to talk to someone, you just did. by doing that post you expressed how you feel very productively. doing this often will ease your pain.

i know how it feels to miss a loved one like that, my mum died 5 years ago, and will be 52 by now, the same as your mum. i used to feel she was the only one who loved me, but i have realised that this isnt true. its the same for you. there are people who love you, you just havent noticed them.

feeling trapped is very destructive to us, i currently feel trapped and suffocated and it is so hard to carry on, but you can keep doing it. i know what needs to be done in my life to resolve this, which is why im currently looking for a new job, and a partner. there are keys to a happier life, and these lie within your passions, and thngs you want to do in your life.

the emotioanl pain you talk of will get better gradually, with help from others around you, like us here, or a therapist. do you see a therapist at the moment? if not i advise you do, it could be one of the best things you do for yourself.

Do you see what i have done here...i have catergorised your problems and worked through them one by one, paragraph by paragraph. i do it with my problems, and when i try to help those here, its what i do witht hem. its the best way it helps. for me anyway. i dont know about anyone else.

take care and if you need someone, im here for you.

simon