oh yes I remember about your parrot. It's so hard as pet owners because they are totally dependent on us and if something goes wrong we beat ourselves up about it. I don't have a lot of close friends or family so my pets are also everything to me. I can't remember if I've told you this before but when one of my bunnies stopped eating I took her to this vet and I didn't know he didn't really know what he was doing and he told me to forcefeed her. He didn't give me a lot of instructions on how to do it. It was so stressful. I later found out his forcefeeding schedule was way too aggressive and dangerous. She died in my arms during it. I was absolutely devastated and felt so guilty for years and it affected my life terribly. I finally talked with a pet loss counselor and that helped me so much. Do you think that might help you?

As for your physical problems, I'm not sure what is wrong but have you considered acupuncture?

and as for that man..maybe not being together is a blessing in disguise. You did say you kicked him out before...you must have had good reason. That just leaves your heart open for when the right person does come along, one who will return your affections. My mother remarried at 76 so it's never too late.

I can empathize with your worry about never feeling any better. I looked back at some of my journaling today and it was filled with nothing but despair. But I have finally made some progress. I never thought that would happen. Of course our circumstances are different but you never know when life might give you the opportunity to make those small steps forward. So please don't give up Vossie.