You know I think I finally figured it out..... I cannot loose the weight for my self and my final alter has a conflict as to what is wanted and what looks safe.
I hate the way I look with the extra weight and I want to look good and sexy again - for me and my husband, but my final alter is sacred to look sexy (due to past sexual abuse) therefore she wants to remain fat for protection - to look unpleasing to the male eye.

So what I am to do..... but to remain as I am - for I seem to go 6 months on and 6 months off, meaning that I personally work hard for six months to loose it all and then she takes over and I put it all back on.... I am aware of what she is doing and yet I do not stop it - can't! - (and) I am tired of the emotional struggle the fight to loose weight causes me.... I concede.

HELP!! HELP!! HELP!! HELP!!

LoVe,
Rhapsody -