So I had an episode last weekend that I don't really remember. I know I ended up in the hospital twice (in less than 48 hours), both via cop persuasion and ambulance (and I have the bruises to prove it - from the cops I mean). Once again (twice in a row) I overdosed on Clonazepam - intentionally. I've been so messed up these days. My highs and lows are getting increasing severe. My drug use (illegal) is spiraling out of control. My fiance (also Bipolar Type II) is also on a low... he just saw me typing this out asked what this was about - I said self help and he flipped his lid. Now he's laying in bed telling me to find a new boyfriend. I am financially ****ed, and if it werent for my three kids (who dont live with me) I swear to god I would have taken myself out long ago.... I'm fed up with living like this but I cant seem to find the help I need. Seriously considering admitting myself to the local mental institution. If not, I might just make damn sure my next overdose will be my last...

If you're gonna go out, might as well go out with a BANG!